Well, that was bloody depressing wasn’t it. I feel awful today. I had made a plan not to get drunk last night. I wanted to be fresh for work today. Then the game happened. Howard Webb happened, and his hapless linesmen happened, Arsenal and Bolton happened. So, I got drunk, drunk to forget. So now, not only did Spurs play poorly, the Scum are top of the league and I feel awful. F*ck my life.

But then, we knew it was going to happen. Spurs never turn up when we really need to. We’re kind of like a cork that bobs along without ever making a splash. As a club, as a whole, we just can’t do it. What’s it been? 66 games, you would think law of averages would mean that we’d fluke just one of them games. Just one. But then, Spurs are cursed, blatantly. For some reason the powers that be hate us. Lest we forget Pedro Mendes?

And what of Howard Webb, what will happen to a referee who doesn’t know the rules of the game. I mean, it’s his job to uphold the laws. If he can’t do it dump him down the leagues. Fine him. These decisions are costing clubs millions and millions of pounds. Oh I don’t care, I’m just bitter, we didn’t deserve anything at all, but then neither did Liverpool, they were woeful. Just pissed off. I hate that potato head Benetiz.

What will happen against Leeds. By rights we should turn up and dick them, they are, after all, a League 1 side. But who knows. I’ll be there, I’m looking forward to the Leeds fans coming down and making a show of themselves, all that time before kick off filled with beer, not the best planning to play this game at 5:15, but then tv money always is the bottom line. I’ve always admired Leeds’ fans, and their passion, and it might be a bit nawty on the high road. Should be fun.

To bed!

Posted: January 21st, 2010 under Flav's posts.
Comments: 8

He’s come a long way as our Gareth. Well, he’s come from being first choice fullback under Martin Jol, to being BAE’s understudy to BAE’s filler in while he’s nursed back to health. That’s about it.

He scored that wonderful freekick against the scum. Remember that? He’s never won a game either. Poor bloke. He went through a season of undeserved vitriol from the Spurs faithful as they once again demonstrated their wisdom by slating a 19-year-old full back. Ah well, you can’t pick your fans. This’ll cheer him up though.

His performance against Hull was enough to grant him the latest Cock of the Week award. We were unlucky on Saturday, we all know about Myhill’s wondrous performance. You can’t help but wonder what it might have been like if Lennon had been on the pitch, then it might not have been left to Bale to offer the only bit of width we had on the park. When this boy is going forward from left back there are few better, he seems to beat the man every time: the ball just seems beyond his toe and yet he gets there, and his crossing wasn’t half bad on Saturday also.

There are obvious doubts about his defensive capability and the answer isn’t just to simply put in on the left wing, he plays better with space in front of him, rather than being forced to create opportunities for himself. You can’t help but wonder if it’s a similar predicament when he goes clubbing with the rest of the squad. Back up, wingman; hiding behind Huddlestone, or just plain not being allowed out in front of the girls. You can understand why god blessed Gareth Bale with footballing skill.

Congratulations Gareth – Cock of the Week. Yay!

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Posted: January 19th, 2010 under Cock of the Week.
Comments: 3

Yesterday’s game against Hull was frustrating beyond measure, for every Spurs fan on the planet. I had my arms wrapped round my head for the vast majority of the game. I looked like some sort of mental case. The Myhill heroics, the persistent and blatant time wasting, the inability of Defoe and Keane to put away chances that both are more than capable of finishing…well Defoe is any way. Hull were set up to annoy and make life difficult, in fact you can imagine Phil Brown’s team talk before the game:

‘Lads, go out there and be complete c*nts, Hunty, you just be yourself. Sweet.’

As I was watching the minutes tick past a pondry came upon me…would our fans boo the team on the final whistle should we not be able to beat lowly Hull City? Despite the keeper having, as Redknapp put it, ‘a worldy’, despite the fact that we haven’t let a goal in for six games, despite the fact that we’re fourth in the league, despite that we’ve got the best team we’ve had in many years playing well, despite that on another day we would have won this game 3-0, despite all that, would our fans, the pride of north London, boo the team that has served us so well this season? Yeah course they would. Because these fans, they obviously don’t realise this about themselves, but they’re w*nkers… pathetic people who I’m embarrassed to share a football club with.

What exactly does booing achieve anyway? Do the players get in the dressing room and think, wow they are really unhappy with us, we must try harder, or do they think ‘that’s pretty harsh’ (or do they even care?) I never boo, no matter how bad a performance, but I understand it if a particular player clearly isn’t trying, or doesn’t want to be on the pitch a la Berbatov (or when Ghaly threw the shirt…) But there wasn’t any player that wasn’t giving 100% to win that game, and the second half was a good a performance as we can expect, the ball just didn’t go in the net. Simple. Instead of getting behind the team our fans remained mute for the entire game (the atmosphere was woeful again) until the selection of flids gave it their support of the day.

I usually try and add some humour to these posts but I can’t bring myself to do it this time. It seems with every game that passes our support becomes a little bit more ‘goonerish’. Remember how we ridiculed them for booing Eboue off the pitch? Remember how ridiculous that made them look? Yeah, booing our team after yesterday’s game given our performances this season is just as bad.

Posted: January 17th, 2010 under Flav's posts.
Comments: 18

Obviously I am loathed to post a link of any relevance to Arsenal on this mighty blog of ours. It just isn’t right. Those scummy b*stards sullying our pages, it doesn’t bear thinking about! But there is such an occasion where such things might come to pass, and this may well be that one occasion.

What we’re looking for is your ideas for the bespoke blocks to be laid at Arsenal’s Armoury Square (I still can’t get over that…) click the here, have a read and post your ideas in the comments section:

My favourites so far:

‘YOU’RE A F*CK’

‘ARSENE IS A F*CK’

‘SPASTIC’

‘F*CK YOUR MUM’

And

‘I F*CKED YOUR DAD’

What you got?

Posted: January 13th, 2010 under Flav's posts.
Comments: 10

Why do our players, seemingly more than any other team’s, always talk candidly to the press? We’ve got this game against Liverpool at the weekend (weather permitting) and every newspaper in the world is carrying quotes from Dawson and Bassong: ‘Der derrrr, der, I….am….ready….for…..Torres, LOL’ and ‘Dat Torres ain’t sh*t, motherf*cker, he be spending his 90 mins in ma motherf*cking pocket motherf*cker, you dig, I ain’t scared of that punk, ya hear me motherf*cker, I ain’t scared of nothin’.’ respectively. Even poster boy Niko Kranjcar is building it up to be a ‘six pointer’ against those Liverpudlian scallywags, but I won’t take the michael out of him because he’s fit.

Talking stuff up in the press never works. It always comes back to kick you in the nuts. Owen Coyle just last year was talking to the media about how he doesn’t sign players who come to Burnley for Premiership money rather than Premiership football, talking about signing the right players to create unity at Turf Moor, then buggers off to Bolton a few months later. Nothing good comes from talking to the press.

Remember the season when we had the strike force of Darren Bent, Jermain Defoe, Robbie Keane (when he was good) and Dimitar Berbatov (when he was good). All the players were coming out during the summer, they’re not all homosexual, I mean they were in the papers every day. They reinforced what is now obviously an attempt by the press in general to unhinge any chance of Tottenham ever being a successful football club. I have no evidence to back that up, I just know it’s true. That season was a nightmare. Jol was sacked. Ramos was brought in and while we won the Carling Cup, we were only victorious three times throughout the remainder of the season (although one was a crafty 2-0 home win over Redknapp’s Pompey.)

I understand that in our media saturated society it is unacceptable for any club to engage a media blackout (although Levy did something as Stalin-esque when he banned the Standard from White Hart Lane (is that ban still in effect?) so what I’m proposing is that Redknapp is the only one allowed to talk to the press, and that the players can only respond to media questions with a David Blaine style hand gesture. That way we know we have someone who handles media questions with aplomb. And that way we wont have to be forced to deal with the inevitable stick from other fans when something one of our player’s has said comes back to bite us in the gary.

Shazam.

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Posted: January 7th, 2010 under Flav's posts.
Comments: 18

Look out everybody, sweet cheeks is back, picking up his second Cock of the Week award this season. Don’t forget, the player with the most Cock of the Week awards at the end of the campaign gets to brag about being the Cock of the Season, as decided by me. If only Hitler had this sort of power: a lot of innocent people would have been saved.

Another fantastic display from the wondrous Croatian wasn’t it? All right it was against Peterborough, but given that he followed the brace he bagged against Man City, not to mention the commanding performances against Blackburn away and Villa and Everton, with another two goals, and I think we’ve found ourselves quite a player. I know it’s been said over and again but £2m…And KPB went for £4m. It belies belief, it really does. The mutterings around the ground are that we might have found ourselves the new Ginola… C’mon now, Niko is a good-looking bloke, but he isn’t that pretty. That said, his first goal against the Posh was sublime; he cut in from the left and hit a beautiful and powerful shot from outside the box that the impressive Joe Lewis didn’t have a hope in saving.

On the Joe Lewis thing, apparently the affable Barry Fry came bundling into the Spurs changing room following the game to offer the services of the young keeper to Redknapp. Harry has been looking at him recently, as have Man Utd, Arsenal and Liverpool reportedly, but declined to make a bid there and then. What I don’t understand is how someone so young, who spends most of his time in the Bahamas, has already made millions in his property, investments and leisure interests, owns Tottenham, and ENIC, and still has to get impress Redknapp enough to get him to buy him. It doesn’t make sense. But then again, Harry has done a fairly decent job.

Anyway, Niko Kranjcar is again Cocks to the West’s Cock of the Week. Well done you sir.

Posted: January 4th, 2010 under Cock of the Week.
Comments: 7

Dirty Leeds in the cup. Everyone hates them don’t they? Real dirty little tin pot northern club. Jermaine Beckford got some processed cheese for his secret Santa this year and was well chuffed is what I’ve heard, Leeds ITK keep me posted, damn right.

I remember the Lilywhite pretenders; I remember how we couldn’t beat them for love nor money back in the day. I remember Rod Wallace bursting down the left wing to beat Erik Thorstvedt at Elland Road; it’s etched in my memory. I remember them winning the old 1st Division; they could do it again this year…

That was a while back now though. A long time ago. Peter Risdale has happened since then. How does a club with a decent sized stadium, certainly bigger than White Hart Lane, with quality running throughout their squad, including Mark Viduka, have everything go wrong for them? What terrible misguided act forced Leeds Utd into the obscurity of the third tier of football? To be honest I couldn’t care less. I’m just well happy it’s Leeds we’re playing rather than Man Utd, who we would have once again drawn out the hat.

So, on paper, a decent draw, the Scum got Stoke away which is tricky. They were lucky today against West Ham – who I’m now convinced are going down – as bad as they were. Of course we’re Spurs so we could quite easily get beat come the game, but, despite every fibre of my body telling me not to, I’m beginning to feel confident about games before we’re 5-0 up with four minutes left.

Haven’t got much to say about the Peterborough game apart from we did what was needed. Posh had a couple of chances…Niko Kranjcar is my new god, and Defoe was lucky that ITV had the FA Cup screening rights as his miss was one of the worst in footballing history and will, quite thankfully, be forgotten.

How bad was ITV’s coverage as well by the way: the cartoony graphics in introducing games, only showing the goals from the Spurs game, Robbie Earle, Only showing the goals from the Spurs game, and Andy Townsend, and the footage they did show of the goals from the Spurs game was all flushed out, the white shirts looked like they were alight, perhaps that’s because we were on fire (Don’t worry, I’ll go f*ck myself).

Happy New Year.

Posted: January 3rd, 2010 under Flav's posts.
Comments: 13

Going to Spurs, particularly if you sit in the Park Lane lower, has become entrenched by the those fans who want to stand throughout a game and the Hitler-esque stewards who are adamant that every single person in the ground must remain seated at all times, failing when we score, we’re allowed to stand then, and gently clap. I realise that they are following the line of the club who are in turn following the line of the Premier League and Football Association who were, mostly, reacting to the Hillsborough tragedy all them years ago. Cynically it could be argued that it was an excellent opportunity to reduce crowd sizes to a manageable size and increase prices.

I’m not asking for terracing back. I remember the potential danger to be found in no-seater stands; the crushing, kids losing their dads, standing in piss, not being able to see unless you’re well over six feet tall, and everyone hating you because you’re well over six feet tall. It wasn’t ideal, but at least it was genuine. The position we’ve arrived at now, where it has become nearly impossible to support your team in the way that you want, is killing the spirit of the game. You can’t stand; you can’t sing what you like; you can’t target chanting at one particular individual; you can’t have flags that carry a word that exemplifies what Spurs fans are about; it’s as if the people running football have looked at the game and outlawed everything that they can’t market. They don’t care that there are many fans that want to stand at a game, because standing, as part of a large group of people can seem intimidating to those people new to the game, those with money, those who buy a full kit not only for their kids (which is fair enough) but themselves as well, goal keeper gloves included, these people might not see the joys to be found in following a club with a rowdy element.

Look at Arsenal; they’ve done it perfectly. By building the Emirates stadium and raising prices to astronomical levels they have forced out the last remaining passionate element they had. What they have now, which is 58’000 paying customers rather than archetypal fans, is enviable to other Premier League club owners: a group of people who cause no fuss and have deep pockets. Arsenal PLC know this but also, cleverly, want to create with these new fans a sense of belonging, in the hope that when football in its current climate of obscenely paid players and managers goes up in flames these new breed of ‘diehards’ might stick around to bank roll the club; so they leave flags on the seats and put the words to the club’s anthem on the screen in the hope that some of these muppets might sing along, that they might build an affinity with the club that typically takes decades of pain and plenty of stories from the Old Man. This kind of faux plastic passion forced on by the club is pathetic, enjoyed by those type of Arsenal fans who see Chelsea as their most hated rival, but ask a true gooner who they hate and it’ll be Tottenham, and when hear that you should respect them for it, because the likelihood is that they don’t go to watch Arsenal play any more, because they want to stand, they want to follow their club in the right fashion but can’t because of some prick in a pink bib demanding you sit down every five minutes, and there’s a thousand new Arsenal fans ready to take their place once they give their ticket up.

No one wants to be like Arsenal, surrounded by numpties in replica shirts, who love the players more than the club itself. You can have all the Fabregas’s in the world, if that is your match day experience then f*ck it, keep it.

But Tottenham are heading that way. The passion down the Lane seems to dwindle a little more each season. Unfortunately it seems you can’t have success without this sort of effect taking place. It’s like people become reliant on success in order to enjoy following their football club. Well I say that success isn’t important, in fact it’s the least important part of following your club. It’s when the club is on its knees that you can pick the true fans that any club have. West Ham supporters, jokes aside, were magnificent when 2-0 down singing their hearts out trying to lift their players to a mount the insurmountable and mount a meaningful attack. But they were there. What did sections of our fans do when we lost to Wolves at the Lane? Yeah we booed.

You might think that standing is a minor matter not really worthy of discussion, and on it’s own, as an isolated issue then perhaps you’re right. But really it symbolises something much more relevant, and that’s denying the kids the chance to see that football isn’t just about Jermain Defoe and Aaron Lennon, it’s about tradition, passion, following a club because it’s in your blood rather than because they are top of the league.

Granted this all seems a bit nostalgic and perhaps a little naive, a ‘I remember the good old days’ type post, and all right, it is a bit, but there is sincerity and genuine fear in it’s foundation. I love following Tottenham I do, I really love my club (my missus is constantly complaining that I love Tottenham more than her, and I agree with her), but every time I go to the games I leave a little behind, it’s as if each game could be my last. I see fans booing on a whim, slating young players because they over hit a cross, fans starting on others because they can’t see for people standing in front of them, fans spending every breath complaining and not sing a single song, I know, I’ve see then, I’ve sat next to them; it’s not how I want my football club to be.

Tell me I’m wrong and I have nothing to worry about.

FSF’s Safe Standing Campaign

Posted: January 2nd, 2010 under Flav's posts.
Comments: 10

Another win, albeit against a god-awful West Ham side clearly suffering from myalgic encephalomyelitis. I’m not really that bothered about the Hammers. I know that will annoy any of them reading this given that they hold us in such contempt, but I just don’t much think about them. They’re kind of like an irksome 2nd cousin you met once at a family birthday party who had to be sent home because he’d sh*t himself. He flits into your consciousness occasionally, you have a chuckle to yourself and then the memory is gone for another six months. Which is partly the reason why I didn’t go to the game itself…West Ham should never be a Cat A game which proposed (when I actually got round to checking for tickets) that I should pay £70 for the privilege.

Take the rule for the Manchester City game. Never before has that been considered a Cat A game. They spend £200m and now it is. There is a logic there I guess, not that I agree with it, but logic all the same. So, by the same line of thought, West Ham should be Cat C, along with Stoke, Wolves etc. I’d even argue it should have been a freebee from the club.

Anyway, job done; three more points, which capped off a fantastic end to a splendid year. And again it’s a time to be hugely excited, and I’ve felt this way since the draw at Villa. We’ve played some brilliant football. I was excited even when we lost at Wolves (despite some of the cretinous Spurs fans who thought that booing the final whistle was an acceptable thing to do.) We’re a better team than we have been for years.

Modric is back, and while his performance wasn’t magical, and he should have been pulled off around 60mins when the game was running away from him a little, it’s great to see him play again. Whether we can get both him and Kranjcar in the same team I don’t know, but for whoever misses out should feel hard done by as both are magnificent. I’m not even sure who the better player is…

Despite Redknapp saying he doesn’t want to sign anyone, I’d like to see us splash a bit on a centre mid. I know Huddlestone has played well this season; he hasn’t even missed a game if I heard the commentator right, but he still doesn’t do it for me. He’s kind of like the highly functioning mentally ill: on the ball he’s great, but his awareness and prowess off the ball, when instinct isn’t a factor and he has to think about his role on the pitch, he suffers greatly, and the team does as a consequence. Whether we sign this Sandro kid or not, and whether he’s any good, remains to be see, but we need that box to box midfielder with a bit of vision that, sadly, Tom is not.

Liverpool away next in the league which should be a bit of fun. I can’t see us getting much up there, we never do, but I’ve been mistaken a few times already this year. If we’re given the space to play, and we probably will be, then we’re in with a chance. Seriously, win up at Anfield and we’ll have the fourth spot to lose.

Posted: December 29th, 2009 under Flav's posts.
Comments: 12

Oh he’s soooo yummy. Look at him. Go to google now, type in his name, click ‘images’ and just look at him. Now… I’m a heterosexual man, but jesus, if this guy ain’t straightbait I don’t know who is. And he isn’t a bad footballer either.

When we bought him for what now is clearly a paultry £2m I was aware that Niko was a competent player with a bit of flair. What I didn’t realise was that he was a footballer who, when on form, can control a football match at will. His two goals against Man City, and the persistence paid assist for Crouch’s first against Blackburn meant that there could be no other choice for this week’s award. His second goal against City was class as well.

Now that Modric is returning to full fitness it is difficult to see where he is going to fit in. It’s a far cry from the sh*t your pants feeling when Luka’s leg break was first announced. If Redknapp can find a way for these two to play together then we could see one of the most exciting Spurs teams in decades (and it isn’t quite as simple as saying they play together for Croatia as neither player is going to the world cup.) That said it’s a brilliant position to be in where we have a player of Modric’s ability but don’t necessarily miss his creativity (Wolves game aside).

in recent weeks I’ve watched more reruns of Kranjcar’s performances against Everton, Villa, and City than I have porn. My girlfriend is happy about that. I’m happy about that; I don’t agree with the exploitation of women, but accept that society deems it important. That said, I’d exploit Kranjcar in any way he wants, whenever he wants. Call me, Niko.

Posted: December 23rd, 2009 under Cock of the Week.
Comments: 9